Better And Better

If you don't draw yours, I won't draw mine.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Minor surgery.

I've been bugged by a little pimple-like thing in my eyelid for the last couple of months. The first doctor proclaimed it to be a "Stye In The Eye." I checked his name tag; it said "Garcia," rather than "Seuss."

So I took his oral antibiotics and topical steroid religiously for the full course and.... found that my irritation persisted.

So I saw an opthamologist. This guy was wiser in the ways of eyes. He proved it by using words like "sclera" and "conjuntiva" when referring to what lesser humans would call the "white of the eye." I, in turn, dazzled him with my explanation of how a cruller is different from an ordinary donut.

So Dr. Eye Guy said that I had not a stye, but a chalazion. (No, mine looked nothing like the one in the picture. Eww.)

He recommended minor, in-office surgery, to hack that bad boy out.

Well, it says here that fixing a chalazion is pretty benign stuff:
"The minor operation is quite painless, the eyelid is injected with a local anesthetic a clamp is put on the eyelid, then the eyelid is turned over and the chalazion is scraped out."
Lying.
Bastards.

What with the injections and the eye speculum (how very Clockwork Orange), I can tell you that I was just a South American doctor with a German accent away from full-scale torture.

But he seems to've fixed the damned thing.

Now I get to pay him for the privelidge. Feh.

Did I ever mention my ocular phobia? I don't like things touching my eye.

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9 Comments:

At Friday, November 02, 2007 9:17:00 PM, Blogger ERnursey said...

what part of turning the eyelid inside out and scraping it could anyone ever conceive of being painless? OUCH.

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 9:25:00 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Damn, but I hated eye surgery. At least it was over with quickly, right?

Regards,
Rabbit.

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 12:32:00 AM, Blogger David said...

Yea, I had that same thing. I could've told you they were lying. :)

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 5:03:00 AM, Blogger Matt G said...

Rabbit--

He shot my eyelid full of pain-killer (note: needles to eyelids ain't fun), fiddled with it for a few more seconds, and said, "There we go! That oughta do it."

I thought "Wow! This guy's really a pro! That wasn't bad!"

Then I waited 15 minutes on my back, during which time my face was draped and a speculum thingy was shoved into my eye. Then the surgery itself took... probably 25 minutes. But then, time compression was a serious problem, when someone's coring out your eyelid.

Seriously, the guy was nice, and clearly knew what he was doing and was doing his best, and all. But I staggered out of that office with hatred in my heart for him and all his kin.

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 8:42:00 AM, Blogger New Girl said...

Did I ever mention my ocular phobia? I don't like things touching my eye.

Ugh. Ditto that, dude. Won't even catch me dead wearing contacts.

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 7:21:00 PM, Blogger Assrot said...

I'm with you there Matt. I don't allow anything or anyone to touch my eyeballs or anywhere in that general area. I've had one of those dang things you're talking about for a few years now.

I've been putting off getting it removed because of my ocular phobia. (What is the knife slips?) I don't want to walk around looking like a pirate for the rest of my days.

So far it's just irritating now and then and it has not grown so I figure why mess with it. It's been a little more bothersome lately. I might just have to go get it removed this year.

Now you have me scared again though so I am not so sure.

Joe

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 7:23:00 PM, Blogger The Raving Prophet said...

I'm yet another with a good ocular phobia. I HATE eye exams- they water like somebody just opened up a gusher of an artesian well. I'll never consider contacts, because if I had to greet every morning with shoving things in my eye, I'd probably eat a bullet before the month was out.

I hope to God I never need cataract surgery or anything else in my eye. I'd rather work upside down surrounded by poisonous snakes at 40,000 feet with a clear view all the way down.

 
At Monday, November 05, 2007 1:06:00 PM, Anonymous KCSteve said...

Hey, they said the surgery would be 'painless'. They didn't claim it wouldn't be traumatic, nor did they say it wouldn't be, shall we say... noticeable after the anesthetic wore off.

 
At Sunday, November 11, 2007 9:01:00 AM, Blogger phlegmfatale said...

It was probably just a late-erupting parasitic twin. At least, that's what I would tell myself, were it me.

 

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