About noisy dogs
No, I don't know what you should do. I'm thinking that a bark collar would be a good start.
No, I don't think that's too cruel. I think it's cruel to keep all your neighbors up who don't happen to have triple-paned windows, Energy Star Houses, and Gregorian Monks chanting out of Bose speakers around the bed, to drown out the noise of your damned yippie hound.
Yes, I'm going to give you a citation for noise if I have to come back.
Yes, I recognize that you think it's unfair.
Yes, I know that dogs bark. Yours certainly makes that clear.
Yes, I can give you the name of my chief.
No, I would not recommend calling him right now.
Yes, I'm serious.
No, I won't tell you who called on you about your yippie dog. It frankly could have been any of two dozen houses, given the volume and frequency. Did you, by the way, have your dog surgically altered to bark at that pitch and loudness for that kind of duration? No? Specially bred that way, maybe? No? Well, then, you're just lucky, now, aren't you?
No ma'am, I don't guess I would call in to complain on you night and day, like your neighbor seems to do.
No, ma'am, it's not that I "appreciate dogs" any more than he does, it's that I have my own manner of dealing with such problems.
_ _ _
Hello? Mr. Neighbor? Yes. I spoke to her.
Yes, I understand.
Well, if it's still barking in an hour, call me back, and I'll write her a ticket.
Uh huh, I know. The citation doesn't really help you get any sleep, does it?
On an unrelated note, did you notice that Sportsman's Ghetto Warehouse has Marlin .22 rifles on sale for $99?
And that Aguila makes a 60 grain subsonic load for .22 LR?
And Home Despot has fiberglass-handled shovels on sale for $17.
Huh? Oh, just thinking out loud.
+ + +
All but the last five lines are my half of a call for service that we seem to get time and time and time again.
Here's Crystal's view of it, when it's her own damned dog.