Better And Better

If you don't draw yours, I won't draw mine.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

That's it-- I'm calling Ford Motor Company...

My entire career on patrol, I've driven Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptors.

I've owned seven cars in my life. I've driven countless others.

I've driven BlueBird schoolbuses with up to 73 kids at a time in them.

I've never found any of those vehicles to cause seizures. As a matter of fact, I'd never even seen a seizure in my life, until I started putting people in the back seats of Crown Victoria Police Interceptors. They're never petite mal seizures- they're always grand mal. There is gurgling. There is grunting. Sometimes there is urination. My most recent one caused the entire car to bounce on its shocks because I was out of it, but as soon as I opened the door, he was face down in the footwell. (Well, I thought-- his head is off the floor, he's got a good airway, he can't aspirate his saliva in this position, and he can't hurt himself. I called for an ambulance and closed the door.)

It doesn't happen every time I put arrestees in the cage. It so far hasn't happened to me when I've been in the cage, to clean it out or search the seat crease. But that's what makes it scarier-- you never know. What if this is the time? I can get lulled into a sense of complacency, and then... zing! I'm on the ground, makin' like my parents handle rattlesnakes and happen to have parents who were siblings.

I used to think the lightbar had something to do with it, but I've had it happen with slick-tops, too.

I'm about to call OSHA.

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8 Comments:

At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 12:42:00 AM, Blogger phlegmfatale said...

Clearly you need to conduct a case-study on sumdoodz.

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 2:43:00 AM, Blogger Ambulance Driver said...

I think it's a stainless steel allergy.

The stainless steel of a pair of cuffs, when in close proximity to the slight electromagnetic field generated by an idling police cruiser, can wreak havoc with the brain's electrical circuitry, and...

VOILA! Your critter is soon doing the burnt worm on the seat of your cruiser.

You do know how to tell a faker from the real thing, right? Real grand mal seizures almost always have their eyes open. Seriously.

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 2:52:00 AM, Blogger Matt G said...

Tight shut.

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 8:06:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Fixit said...

I rode the ambulance whose district had the city jail and police offices your years.

I always thought, and told the jail sergeants, that there was something in their cars that caused a reaction.

Still believe it too!

In our area though, it seems to cause "chest pain" more often than not.

Mr Fixit

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 10:44:00 AM, Blogger William the Coroner said...

It's cured by OC. Or a Monadnock. Wotevah.

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 11:39:00 PM, Blogger Matt G said...

Can you say: "Sec. 1983 lawsuit"?

 
At Thursday, July 05, 2007 1:22:00 AM, Blogger ERnursey said...

Hmmmm....the police cars in my community all cause CHEST PAIN. How amazing.

 
At Friday, July 06, 2007 3:06:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Drop the forearm from as high above the face as you can hold it- it will amazingly like magic veer off from hitting themselves in the face of a lot of fakers!

However- professionals have learned this trick and then you have the pleasure of watching them just knock hell out of themselves with their own arms.

After 20 minutes if it's still happenig- Call for a BUS ASAP!!!!!
You want him to Grandmaw to dath? LOL. In SC they aren't called siezures--they take offense at that- it's an "ATHLTIC CONVERSION"! uhhhhhh- riiiight!

And the Chest Pain is I think Tied with Seizures as the number 1 complaint! Only thing is- as soon as you peg one for a faker- they'll up and die on your butt! So- gotta give most of em the benefit o the doubt and let the THUGZ ERRRRRaaa Nurses deal with em!

John

Good post Matt!

 

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