That's it-- I'm calling Ford Motor Company...

My entire career on patrol, I've driven Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptors.

I've owned seven cars in my life. I've driven countless others.

I've driven BlueBird schoolbuses with up to 73 kids at a time in them.

I've never found any of those vehicles to cause seizures. As a matter of fact, I'd never even seen a seizure in my life, until I started putting people in the back seats of Crown Victoria Police Interceptors. They're never petite mal seizures- they're always grand mal. There is gurgling. There is grunting. Sometimes there is urination. My most recent one caused the entire car to bounce on its shocks because I was out of it, but as soon as I opened the door, he was face down in the footwell. (Well, I thought-- his head is off the floor, he's got a good airway, he can't aspirate his saliva in this position, and he can't hurt himself. I called for an ambulance and closed the door.)

It doesn't happen every time I put arrestees in the cage. It so far hasn't happened to me when I've been in the cage, to clean it out or search the seat crease. But that's what makes it scarier-- you never know. What if this is the time? I can get lulled into a sense of complacency, and then... zing! I'm on the ground, makin' like my parents handle rattlesnakes and happen to have parents who were siblings.

I used to think the lightbar had something to do with it, but I've had it happen with slick-tops, too.

I'm about to call OSHA.