There's nothing like reviewing a body camera, and a car camera, of footage of your use of force, to make you second-guess yourself.
I have had more than a few talks with another officer on scene about what we did, and what we maybe "should have done."
So tonight, when I watched the movie Sully on my computer, I was struck by the way we second-guess ourselves in life-or-death situations. This movie was about an airplane captain who saved 155 lives by making an emergency landing on the Hudson River, and how he then had to rehash the event over and over.
I thought about how my young subordinate officer had kicked himself for not having taken the shot on a man who had threatened him (and me) with a gun. I thought about how I may have made a mistake, also failing to shoot the armed man when he pointed his pistol at me.
I thought about how other officers, from other agencies, have told me that we had screwed up. How we had "been lucky." How we should have shot the guy.
And, watching the movie, seeing the depiction of Captain Sullenberger being second-guessed, I broke down crying.
I am so proud of my officer. I don't want to work with a man who doesn't second-guess himself on issues this important. My officer didn't shoot for all the right reasons. And it turned out fine.
I'm just so damned proud of him.
We did our jobs.
Just a quick Thank you for all you do.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely. While wearing the badge, I had 3 incidents where, because of an early "Second Chance" vest, I could take the extra second to see it was a pellet gun (2) or a starter pistol (1). Numerous officers criticized me for not shooting. But they wouldn't have had to live with what would have happened after. I'm glad I didn't.
ReplyDeleteYou did your jobs, AND you came home. That's all good. And we all second guess things done in times of stress.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story.
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